วันอังคารที่ 13 ธันวาคม พ.ศ. 2554

VIRGO

General character: 
King planet Sun governs your zodiac sign. You want to live like a king. You are a very ambitious person and want to rise to the top in the profession of your choice. You have been blessed with a strong personality, which can take you places if you so desire. You are logical in your approach to most things but sometimes you get so confused over the small issues. An extrovert, you have many friends and you are a good host. You learn to branch out on your own even if it turns out to be an expensive idea since you are ready to sacrifice much if it benefits in the long run. You are very much a materialistic person; you will find it difficult to do without worldly things. The picture you portray, however, is of the strong silent type. Your plus point is keeping a good relationship with those persons who could be of use to you in some way. You are self-opinionated person though you may behave otherwise. Sometimes you act very superficially and you yourself will not know why. You are quite power-hungry and given to vices any of which could cause you destruction both mentally and physically. You are an out-going person basically and have a wide circle of friends. You are a well-loved person since you speak attractively and have good manners. You can't tolerate your failures because you want to rule and you are impatient to reach that level. You don't let anyone come in the way of achieving power. You are brave and don't spend sleepless nights on major or minor worries provided you have been sincere and just. Basically an extrovert, you reach out to people in all walks of life. You are helpful to those in trouble and don't expect anything in return. To win your favor, it is wise to flatter you and this happens to you all the time but you won't notice it.
Romantic character: 
You tend to take people who love you for granted and this is quite a negative trait as the relationship could turn into a love-hate one. You don't like to chase the opposite sex, instead preferring to be chased. Your ego and arrogant nature can hurt the feelings of your partner, and causes frequent breakups in the relationship.

Joke

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
ผู้ชายคนหนึ่งหนีออกคุกซึ่งคุมขังเขา 15 ปี เขางัดแงะเข้าไปในบ้านหลังหนึ่งเพื่อหาเงินและปืน และเจอคู่สองสามีภรรยาคู่หนึ่งอยู่บนเตียง
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
เขาสั่งให้สามีออกจากเตียงและมัดเขาไว้กับเก้าอี้ ขณะที่ผูกภรรยาไว้กับหัวเตียงเขาก็ขึ้นไปบนตัวเธอ จูบที่คอเธอ หลังจากนั้นเขาก็ลุกขึ้น พร้อมเข้าไปที่ห้องน้ำ

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
ขณะที่เขาอยู่ในห้องน้ำ สามีก็บอกกับภรรยาว่า ฟังนะ ไอ้คนนี้นะมันเป็นนักโทษที่หนีออกมาจากคุก ดูที่เสื้อมันสิ ฉันเห็นมันจูบคอเธอด้วย ถ้ามันต้องการมีอะไรกับเธอ อย่าขัดขืนเชียวนะ อย่าบ่นอะไรทั้งนั้นเชียวนะ จงทำให้มันพอใจแม้ว่ามันจะทำให้เธอขยะแขยง ไอ้นี่มันอันตรายมาก ถ้ามันโกรธ มันอาจจะฆ่าเราได้ เข้มแข็งไว้นะที่รัก ผมรักคุณ

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
ได้ฟังดังนั้นภรรยาก็ตอบว่า เขาไม่ได้จูบที่คอฉันหรอก เขากระซิบที่หูฉันและบอกฉันว่าเขาเป็นเกย์ เขาคิดว่าคุณน่ารักมาก เขาก็เลยถามฉันว่าเรามีวาสลีนไหม ฉันก็เลยบอกว่าวาสลีนอยู่ในห้องน้ำจ๊ะ เข้มแข็งไว้นะจ๊ะที่รัก ฉันก็รักคุณจ๊ะ